The Extent of our Love
by Desire's Lullaby
Summary: Nearly dead one day and captured the next; that's all it took. The affection had always been there... a slithering thought, a fleeting glance, lingering touches... but neither had taken much time to dwell over those small issues. That is, until Jim goes missing and Spock finds himself going against Starfleet orders to find him. POST ST:ID. Small spoilers and such.
1. The Beginning

**This is my first attempt at a Star Trek fic, so bare with any mistakes I make along the way. This is completely un-beta'd so if you see any mistakes, please point them out so I can fix them. Thank you.**

**Warnings for this chapter: Mild language**

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Things always happen for a reason, do they not? The events of the world, the people one meets, and the words chosen to say all occur for a specific purpose whether it be good or bad. Some might say there is no escaping fate or cheating death, but for a certain James Tiberius Kirk that was far from the truth. The Starship Captain had been in death's grip on far too many occasions to keep track of and he was still alive – mostly alive in any case. Doctor McCoy had confided, in the privacy of Jim's living quarters, that the young Captain was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In Jim Kirk's mind, it was not even a possibility. He cast away the diagnosis and dismissed his friend with a wave of his hand, retreating behind the protective wall inside of his mind. Although he had been reassured it was only natural to have some form of undesired after-effect from playing with death and tempting fate, if Starfleet were to catch wind of the nightmares and late-night hallucinations the Enterprise's Captain regularly had, he would be forced to retire – something he was not willing to do any time soon. With that knowledge McCoy had locked away the information, stripping it from all official medical documents and continuing about his day knowing that when it got to be too much for his friend, he would be there to help.

Jim had not slept in over thirty-six hours and yet there he was lounging almost awkwardly in the Captain's chair on the bridge, gazing blankly down at the floor. It was silent save for the occasional shuffling of boots on the polished floor and the soft yawns that came from Hikaru Sulu who had, more than likely, been awake far longer than his captain. The atmosphere was thick, both Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura's sour moods weighing heavily on the crew on the bridge. Less than forty-eight hours ago they had been exploring an unknown planet and, of course, Jim Kirk had insisted to be a part of the landing party and had left Spock as acting Captain of his beloved Enterprise. What had been assumed to be a simple exploration had turned positively grim and bloody, leaving three crew members dead, one science office critically injured, and Kirk on the brink of death… again. Under direct orders from Captain Kirk, all of the main bridge crew had been left on the ship to rest and help from a distance. Spock had argued with the captain's logic at first but had fallen silent after several minutes of forcing logic and reasoning at his friend. Jim had yet to breathe a word of the events that had taken place on the planet he was calling 'Hell's Sauna' and both Uhura and Spock were both furious that the male had managed to get himself into another situation where he nearly died – again! – when he would have been perfectly safe on the ship or with their company.

"Jim, she's asking for you and I still need to treat the rest of your wounds." Doctor McCoy's voice filtered into the silent bridge, instantly making each body tense and gaze warily at Uhura and Spock, who remained visibly undisturbed by the break in the silence as they worked. Jim straightened up slightly and rolled his aching shoulders before he rose to his feet, ignoring the pounding in his head and the spinning of the room as he moved. "Mister Spock, you have the conn." Kirk said in a steady and disconnected tone as he made his way off of the bridge and down to the Medical Bay. He knew he had worried his friends and crew… knew that he had messed up… but he had a duty as Captain to keep everyone on his ship save – and in Kirk's mind that meant putting himself in danger and keeping them out of it. As Jim stepped into his destination, he was relieved to find Carol Marcus sitting up in one of the beds, the color of her skin back to normal from the sickly grey tone and most of her wounds patched up. Her arm was in a cast, but he was sure it was something that would be easily fixed by Doctor McCoy. She smiled at him from across the room and he was about to make his way to her side when the stern face of the doctor came into view and ushered him back towards a bed of his own. He winced and hissed as his wounds were tended to in a less than delicate manner, his eyes shutting on their own accord. He did what he felt he had to do, nothing more and nothing less… at least, that's what Jim kept telling himself. "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor not a miracle worker." McCoy mumbled as he worked, more than likely referring to how he had barely managed to save the captain's life when he had shown up writhing and bloody on the transporter floor roughly forty-three hours ago. The moment each of his remaining wounds had been taken care of and the bandage on his shoulder changed again, Jim was on his feet and beside Carol in an instant.

"Thank you." Was the first thing that left the woman's mouth as Jim stood next to her, taking in her appearance at a closer standpoint and accessing the damage he hadn't seen from afar. Jim was silent for a moment before he grinned his trademark grin and responded, "Hey, you know me. Couldn't let a beautiful lady like you fall victim to something like that." He paused, his expression returning serious before he glanced over his shoulder towards McCoy. "I'm glad you're okay. I was worried that I had been too late." He said before gently patting her hand and backing away. "I need to return to the bridge before Spock tries to deem me emotionally compromised and take over my ship." He said with a faint smile as he turned and made his way back to the bridge, completely aware of Doctor McCoy's following footsteps. The ride in the lift was silent, both men knowing what awaited them when they reached the top and both choosing not to speak a word of it. As the doors slid open and they stepped onto the bridge, James Tiberius Kirk found himself face to face with a furious Lieutenant and a carefully composed Vulcan. Uhura was the first to break the silence, "You can't keep doing this, Captain! You continuously put yourself in harm's way and ignore the rules. I know what you're thinking, that this is the best way to keep the rest of us safe, but what are we supposed to do if you die on one of these death waltz of yours?" She was positively fuming and there was more she wanted to say, it was written clear on her face, but Kirk spoke up at that moment with a simple, "If something were to happen to me, Commander Spock would step up to acting captain. That's what he's here for, Lieutenant; that's part of his job." His voice was cold and distant, much different from the warm and openness he generally shared with those aboard his ship, must have sparked something in his first officer seeing as how the calm exterior took on a sharper and more defined look.

"Captain, while I understand the complete and sound logic in your statement, I believe you are misunderstanding the Lieutenant. It is not a matter of what we, as a professional crew, would do in the event of your death but of what we, as friends, would do. As I am only half human it is only logical that I embrace the Vulcan half of myself to perform as expected while on the Enterprise... but it is highly illogical for you to do the same by hiding behind a mask of perfection while you suffer mentally." Kirk's eyes widened slightly as his mind absorbed the Vulcan's words, part of him amazed at how the male had been able to see exactly what he was doing and part of him being afraid that Spock knew everything he was hiding. He was about to respond but his first officer continued instead, "You do not seem to understand the effect your death would have on the people you hold dear. You no longer fear it – in fact, you crave it. Fear is essential in a Starship Captain for it is what gives them that brief moment of pause to make the correct and logical decision in a situation. Without this fear, Captain, you are no longer fit for duty." Spock's words shook the young captain to the bone, his hands curling into firsts at his side as he took in a deep breath to steady himself before he relaxed his posture once again. Spock was correct, he didn't understand how much his death would affect his crew because he hadn't ever had anyone close enough to him to even consider it before he joined Starfleet. There was a long silence that stretched over the bridge once again as Kirk struggled to find the words to express himself. He sighed softly and shook his head, gazing down at the polished floor beneath his feet. "You're wrong, Spock. I do fear. I was scared as hell when I did what I did down there… but I had already lost three of my crew and couldn't stand to lose another so I did the only thing I knew how to do. It was a gut feeling and I reacted on my own without thinking about it. I don't put myself into danger because it's something I enjoy… I do it because I have an obligation to my crew – my family – to keep them safe. If it comes down to me or any one of the people on this ship, without a doubt I'll sacrifice myself. We all know that." He fell silent again, lifting his gaze to lock evenly with Spock's as the entire bridge recalled the events of Khan's attack three years before.

Uhura's face had softened by that point and even Spock seemed to understand in his own way. As Kirk's hand lifted to run through his blonde locks of hair, he huffed out a breath of air and shifted his weight awkwardly, waiting for someone to say something. He didn't have to wait long before Doctor McCoy was speaking up for the first time since their arrival on the bridge, "What in God's name happened down there, Jim?" It was a simple enough question, one that should have been answered without difficulty or hesitation, but Jim was instantly tense and alert as he shook his head. "Words don't do it justice, Bones. I don't… I don't know how to explain." He was distressed and panic bubbled under the surface of his tired gaze. All Jim wanted to do was forget everything for a day and sleep away the aching pain in his body and the burning memories in his head. He had to figure out what he was going to say in his Captain's Log, too… but he didn't want to bother with it just yet. It could wait another few hours. "Captain, if you will allow me to mind-meld with you I can explain to the crew just what happened while you return to your quarters to rest and regain your energy." Spock suggested as if it were the most obvious solution in the world. Mind-melding… Kirk had almost forgotten that his first officer was able to do such a thing. It wasn't every day that he witnessed it, after all.

Absently, he thought over all the possible outcomes of melding with Spock before Jim sighed softly and nodded his approval. "It would benefit us both to be seated during this interaction." Spock said as he quickly stepped into the turbo lift and raised an eyebrow, waiting for the captain and doctor to join him. "Mister Sulu, you have the conn. We shouldn't be too long." Kirk said hastily as he jumped into the lift just before the doors closed. He didn't ask questions as the three of them made their way to the mess hall, which was silent and deserted considering the early hour of the morning. He trusted Spock's judgment more than anyone else on the ship and willingly went along with most of the other's ideas. They were seated facing one another with McCoy across the table from them, obviously there as a precaution, when Spock's hand lifted to hover over Kirk's face. "Spock." Said man paused at the sound of his name from his captain's lips. "Whatever you see and find in my head… if it's not necessary for the crew to know, I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself and didn't think about it." The first officer nodded his agreement before he closed the distance and initiated the meld, finding himself swallowed whole by the overwhelming thoughts in the captain's mind. He had decided before beginning that the easiest way to get the complete story would be to experience it from Kirk's point of view from the beginning, so when everything came into focus he found himself – rather he found Kirk – standing casually on the desert sands of the planet they had gone to investigate with Carol Marcus to his left and three security crew members to his right. They were surrounded by trees and brush, odd in Spock's scientific opinion considering the ground they stood on was undoubtedly sand. Something moved ahead of them and Kirk's eyes glanced over to the disturbance, paling visibly at what he saw.


	2. Protection

**Hey guys, here's the second chapter in the story. I haven't enjoyed writing something this much in a long time.  
****I'd also like to request reviews of some sort. It's hard to tell if people like your work when they don't comment!**

**Warnings for this chapter: Violence ; mild language ; hints of Spirk**

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Kirk frowned as he gazed further into the brush ahead of them, trying desperately to pin-point the source of the noise that had made him uneasy. When he found nothing of the sort, he sighed softly and knelt next to Carol Wallace to help her collect samples of the soil and plants that scattered the ground. "What do you make of it?" He asked lightly, trying to hide the edge in his voice. Her eyes locked on his and she smiled almost sheepishly before shaking her head and returning to her work. "I'm not sure. I've never seen anything like it before and seeing as how I'm not nearly as good as… but I'm sure Commander Spock would love to take a look at these things." Her voice was calm and cut through the tense atmosphere, causing the captain to visibly relax and chuckle. "Yeah, better get the emotionless bastard things to entertain him." He teased in a friendly tone, grinning as the communicator on his hip chirped and Spock's voice filtered in, "Captain, remember why you are there and cease insulting my person." Carol laughed very faintly and the two fell into silence once more as they worked.

It was only when they heard it that their calm exterior was broken and all were on edge. The bloodcurdling scream that filled the air was nowhere near enough to startle the captain, but the distinct sound of ripping flesh and breaking bone was more than enough to make the man flinch and rise quickly to his feet with phaser in hand. He hadn't expected to ever – in his entire lifetime – see a sight as gruesome as the one he was staring at. Johnson, one of the security crew that had accompanied them, was lying in a pool of his own blood… well, what was left of him. To Johnson's left was Simmons, crumpled in on himself and bleeding profusely from his chest. Kirk cursed loudly and rushed over to the barely breathing male, crouching next to him and desperately searching for a pulse. When he found none, he stood back up with a grim expression on his face. Where was the fifth member of their landing crew? "Kirk to Enterprise." Kirk spoke as he made his way back to the startled Carol, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "Enterprise, this is a direct order from your captain: Remain aboard the ship until I or Carol Marcus contact you. Failure to comply will result in your immediate discharge from duty." He did not wait for a reply before cutting off both his and Carol's communicators. If they were going to find the remaining of their team, they would need complete silence. Any sounds from their communicators would give away their positions if it came down to having to hide and Kirk would not lose another of his crew – especially not Carol.

"Pull yourself together. I know you're scared but I need you to focus. I need your help right now, Carol." He whispered to the girl that appeared to be in shock, gently rubbing her back in a reassuring manner. It was another thirty seconds before she responded to him and was able to collect herself and start off into the unknown land with Kirk slightly ahead of her in an almost protective stance. The further into the brush they traveled, the slimier the sand beneath their feet became and the more thick the air became. It seemed to be ages before they caught sight of their missing friend and as they emerged from the brush and into a clearing, they stopped dead in their tracks. "What the hell…?" Kirk muttered, pulling lightly at the sweat drenched shirt that clung to his body. Before them was what appeared to be some sort of nest filled with remains of animals, and their missing crew member. They had been too late to save anyone – too slow to make a difference. Kirk lowered his gaze and reached for his communicator to request return to the ship. His fingers had just barely brushed the device when Carol's shrill scream rang in his ears. He pivoted, eyes set in a glare and hands holding tightly onto his phaser. "Carol!?" He called out when his eyes were met with the absence of the girl he wanted to protect more than anything in that moment. She screamed again, the sound coming from his right, and Kirk's body was in motion before he could process what he was doing. He had to get to her; had to save her before it was too late.

"Jim!" Her voice called out to him, laced in pain. He could hear her but could not see her – could not control the situation. "Carol, keep talking!" He yelled as he moved, hoping the woman would be able to continue making noise for him to get to her in time. Instead of talking he heard more screaming, but he couldn't bring him to complain and instead willed his body to move faster through the thick forest-desert like area. Thorns, razor-like leaves, rocks, and limbs poked and prodded at his body, leaving angry red streaks along the pale skin and tearing at the clothing on his person but he couldn't bring himself to care. Pushing his body even more, Kirk burst into yet another clearing and quickly took in the positions of the creature and the woman ahead of him. Carol was moaning in pain, clutching at her stomach from her position on the now mossy ground, while the ten-foot tall, spider-like beast hovered above her. The pinchers on its head clapped together roughly and slowly lowered towards Carol, leaving the captain to do the only thing he could think of in that moment. "Hey! What about me? Come get me you ugly fucker!" He growled out between his gritted teeth, successfully gaining the attention of the enormous monster.

James Tiberius Kirk was many things; a womanizer, a friend, brother, captain, tough, caring… but he was the furthest one could be from a genius in that moment. As the large being slinked towards him, Kirk stood his ground and fired off several consecutive rounds from his phaser in hopes of killing the god-awful thing ahead of him before it reached him. Of course, luck was not a friend and he had to throw himself to the side to avoid being slammed into the trees behind him. He was momentarily discouraged now that he was aware that phasers had zero effect on the beast that was now on the ground and crawling quickly towards him as compared to the walking it had done previously. Kirk grunted and forced himself to his feet, moving just in time to prevent getting crushed as the ten-foot long body pounced. "Dammit. Think, Kirk!" He grumbled to himself before his eyes lit up with hope. He rushed over to Carol, accessing the damage done to the female and slipping out of his shirt to press it to her bleeding stomach. "Don't move from this spot. I'll be back." He promised before rushing the creature like a fool. He had to get himself injured – he wasn't exactly sure why he felt he needed to do so, but he wasn't one to question his gut instincts.

The captain hissed in pain as his body was sliced into by the sharp legs of the enormous spider and he cried out the moment those horrifying pinchers closed around his shoulder and neck. He slammed his leg up into the body hovering around him, causing the monster to loosen the grip on his body just enough for him to pull himself away. Adrenaline flooded through his veins, allowing him to barely notice how a huge chunk of skin on his neck was now missing, and he darted out of the clearing. He forced his body to head north, ignoring the protesting muscles and the agony he felt. If he could just make it to – ah! There it was; the little slice of hope he had been looking for. Kirk sped up, fully aware of the sound of scampering legs that followed behind him, and headed straight to the cliff ahead of him. For a brief moment, he considered throwing himself off of the side to assure that the beast would follow but instead he remembered Carol's condition and tossed his body carelessly to the side before he reached the ledge. The larger form of the spider made it impossible for it to stop moving in time and it went plummeting over the cliff and down into the raging waters below. As that happened, Kirk's body rolled until it reached the edge and slid off as well. He barely managed to grab ahold of the rocky surface where his feet should have been. "Come on, Jim. You've done this before." He mumbled as he forced his muscles to work once more, pulling himself to the safety of the rocky ledge.

He simply laid there for what felt like ages, breathing heavily and trying to regain enough energy to travel back to his weapon's specialist. His body ached and he knew he had already lost too much blood. His vision darkened slightly and he grunted as he forced himself to his unsteady feet. If he died there, so be it… but he had to get Carol back to the Enterprise for medical treatment. He had promised, after all. He moved slowly but surely back to the clearing he had left the female in and he tried not to gaze down at his blood covered body and protruding ribs. By the time he had reached her, he was panting heavily and on the verge of losing consciousness. He dropped to his knees, ignoring her concerned gaze, as he huffed out a labored breath and fell onto his side with a sharp groan. "Kirk to Enterprise." He mumbled in a pained voice as he spoke into Carol's communicator (his having been destroyed during his run-in with the cliff). "There's only two of us. Have the medical team report to the transporter room and inform them that Carol is top priority." He paused, making sure the information had been received before he whimpered faintly and added, "Get us out of here." He didn't remember when he passed out, or even getting onto the ship, but he remembered waking up in small doses for the first two hours.

His eyes had fluttered open for the first time as he was lying on the transporter pad with McCoy's concerned face hovering over him as the doctor worked. "Bones-" He croaked out, "Patch me up necessities only. Take care of Carol, then worry about me. That's an order." He had mumbled before passing out once more. He had woken up once more, while in the medical bay, to the sound of Spock's voice asking for the condition of his captain and sounding… worried? He remembered feeling a tingling sensation and an overwhelming dose of affection at the fact that his first officer cared so much for him before he had passed out once more.

By this point, Spock had ended the meld and was gazing at Kirk with a fascinated look in his dark eyes. Despite that fact Kirk was still emerged in his memories, recalling how he had woken a third time and had forced himself out of the Medical Bay and returned to the bridge where Uhura had embraced him and proceeded to yell about how he was a fool and never thought about the consequences of his actions. At the time, Kirk hadn't really cared what was being said to him and had simply told her to return to her station as he settled into the captain's chair. He was fully aware of the Lieutenant's hurt look and her glare as Spock had tried to console the captain and tell him to return to Doctor McCoy for further medical treatment, but just as with Uhura Kirk had informed Spock to drop the matter and return to his own station. Of course, his cold demeanor and words had led to the anger from both his communication's officer and his first office.

Kirk blinked, coming back to reality at the sound of his name being called by McCoy. "Huh?" He asked dumbly, looking around the mess hall for a moment as if he was unaware of where he was. "Oh, right… Sorry. I'm fine." He muttered with a faint blush of embarrassment on his cheeks as he cleared his throat. "I was unaware you felt that way, Captain." Spock said quietly, causing Kirk to turn his head and gaze at the other with a blank look. "Whatever it is you're referring to, Spock, it better stay in that head of yours." He then stood and groaned softly, lifting his hand to his shoulder and swaying slightly. Spock steadied him and gazed over at the doctor with an almost concerned look in his eyes before gripping at Kirk's waist lightly. "Can you take him back to his room, Spock? I've got to tend to Carol." The doctor spoke in a tone much softer than his normal one as he watched Kirk's eyes droop closed. "He's been through more than enough. He'll probably fall asleep while you're walking." As McCoy spoke he made his way out of the mess hall, leaving the two men to take care of themselves.

Spock remained still for a moment, listening contently to Kirk's thoughts of love and admiration for his crew through where their skin touched. "Stay awake, Jim, I will not resort to carrying you." He said in his normal haughty tone as he practically dragged the exhausted and weak captain through the ship and to his quarters. He helped Kirk settled into his bed and gazed at him for a moment before he turned on his heel to return to the bridge so he could keep things running while Kirk slept.

It was three days before Kirk emerged from his room and returned to the bridge, clad in clean clothing and fresh bandages. The circles under his eyes from the events before had all but vanished and he even had a small smile on his lips as command of the Enterprise was returned to him. They were no longer anywhere near the planet where all hell had broken loose, instead they were nearing the area of space where New Vulcan was located. "Mister Spock." Kirk began in a light voice, turning in his chair to look at his first officer. "I hope you treated the crew well while I was out. They always complain that you're a real hard-ass whenever I leave you in charge." He grinned devilishly at his friend as coughs and chokes were heard throughout the bridge. Yes, things were on their way to returning to normal. All Kirk had to do now was focus on healing and taking care of his crew.

If only that had been true. "Captain! There's a ship hailing us." Uhura's voice called out softly, followed by Sulu's steady tone, "They've locked weapons on us, sir." Kirk's face paled slightly and set his jaw before he took a deep breath. "Red Alert. Shields up, Mister Sulu." His nails dug into the arm of the chair before he relaxed visibly and turned to look at Uhura. "Let's have a talk with them, shall we?" He was not expecting to see a face from his past, nor was he expecting the impact it would have on him and his crew. This person was supposed to be gone for good. Kirk straightened his body and half-glared at the image before him.

"Khan."


	3. Error

**Hey guys, I just want to apologize for taking freaking forever to get this uploaded. I ended up moving out of my previous house and into a new one and had to fight with the Internet company to get service transferred. That, as well as unpacking, kept me from getting online to update. I hope you all enjoy this new chapter! It took me for surprise. I hadn't meant for it to go this way, but it happened and I have no regrets. Reviews would be nice! It's hard to tell if people are enjoying this when there's no feedback. ;w; **

**Warnings for chapter: Smoochy smooch ; angst ; soft violence ; Doctor McCoy using logic**

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The bridge of the Enterprise was silent as the crew gazed at the face of the man that had taken many lives from their crew only three years before. They had all been assured that the man had been put back to sleep and that he would never be awoken for any reason and yet there he was. Kirk's hands gripped the captain's chair tightly as he tried to keep his expression clear from any negative emotions. "Captain Kirk." Khan's voice filled the room and Kirk was vaguely aware that Spock had moved to stand next to him. "Now, Kirk, I have some things I would like to talk with you about… so you should report to your transporter room lest I destroy the Enterprise – and believe me when I say this time there will be no stopping me. I am prepared for any and all outcomes, captain." Kirk pressed his lips together and he shifted in his seat, glancing at Spock out of the corner of his eye. "Anything you have to say to me and be said in front of my crew." Kirk said in a stern tone, his eyes gazing levelly at the image of the male on screen. Something told him that doing what Khan said would still get his crew killed… especially with knowing how they had been tricked before.

The pale eyes of their enemy seemed to darken at Kirk's words and the male leaned forward, his face stern and posture confident. "Let me rephrase, captain.. You either come willingly or I will force you to board my ship. This is not up for negotiation. You have three minutes." With that the screen when blank and the transmission was cut off, leaving the crew on the bridge of the Starfleet ship dumbfounded. Kirk took a deep breath and lifted his hand to touch the bandage on his neck, a frown on his lips. If he took a hit from Khan with how weak he still was it would probably kill him. Despite that knowledge, Kirk stood and turned to Spock. "Mister Spock come with me. Lieutenant, get in touch with Starfleet and let them know what's going on. " He said softly, turning on his heel and making his way to the turbo lift without a second glance at his crew. He had a terrible sense of foreboding and wasn't sure if he could confidently face his family in that moment.

The second the doors on the lift closed, Kirk reached out and stopped the motion before he turned to face Spock head on. "You're aware that I'm probably not coming back." He said simply as he watched his Vulcan crewmember. Spock was silent for a moment as he stared blankly at the doors of the lift before he too turned to face the other. "I am aware." They were silent for another moment before Kirk sighed softly and shifted his weight uncertainly. "In that case, there's something I need to do." Kirk whispered before he took a deep breath and leaned forward to connect his lips with Spock's. He gasped softly when the chaste kiss was instantly returned and arms were wrapped around his waist, tugging him closer. What was originally supposed to be a simple kiss as a last act – and confession – had turned into a messy melding of lips and groping hands. They broke apart with gasps from Kirk and slightly labored breathing from Spock. The two men stood there for several seconds without breaking eye contact before Kirk removed his arms from around the Vulcan's neck and resumed the motion of the lift. By the time the doors opened the men were standing side by side with composed expressions on their faces.

The walk to the transporter room was silent and, aside from the occasional brushing of hands as they walked, uneventful. Both had left the other to their own thoughts and worries and had chosen not to discuss what had just happened on the lift. Kirk had always admired Spock, he just hadn't been sure in what way until he had realized that he was going to die and not be able to return to his Vulcan officer. Kirk frowned as he removed his comm and phaser from his person, deciding to save Khan the trouble of taking them from him, and stepped onto the platform. "Spock, if you doubt for one second – just one – that I'm still alive I want you to get the crew away from here." Spock was silent for a moment before he replied with a 'yes captain' and stood back from the platform. Their eyes stayed lock until Kirk was no longer on the Enterprise and that's when Spock's jaw locked and he hustled back to the bridge, falling into a professional mode and spouting off orders at the crew until they were hailed once more by Khan.

The grinning appearance of the male put Spock at unease as he slowly straightened his back and gazed back. "I wonder what you'll do, Spock? Will you come for your captain or will you leave him?" He asked with a sickeningly pleased look on his face as Kirk's scream was heard. Spock forced himself not to tense and react with an emotional response and instead spoke calmly, "I, myself, wonder what it is you want? You have yet to fire on us now that you have the captain and you have yet to flee. What game are you playing?" He honestly was curious but that curiosity was not enough to drive out the worry he felt for Jim. They had kissed minutes before but Spock wasn't really sure if he had reacted that way due to Kirk's overwhelming emotions for him or if he himself was feeling the same for the other. He was aware that emotional transference occurred in mind-melds, so he wasn't sure if what he was feeling were his own or not.

Another scream was heard, followed by a choked gargling sound and Khan's momentary distraction, before the two advanced beings were gazing at each other again. "I believe that I will break him and make him beg for death – maybe even beg for your help, Spock. That sounds wonderful, doesn't it?" Khan spoke with a smug expression on his face, though he frowned and appeared thoughtful as Spock spoke, "I do not believe you will be capable of such a thing. You were not able to succeed three years ago and those years have only managed to make the captain stronger." Khan chuckled softly before he leaned back in the chair he was seated in and motioned for someone off the screen. "I may not be able to..." He began in an amused tone as another being came into the Enterprise crew's view. "I am perfectly capable of eliciting a response such as the one Khan desires. You are aware of this, Spock." The new being – a Vulcan – made Spock tense visibly and grip the captain's chair tightly like Kirk had done before. "Stonn." Spock mumbled in acknowledgement, practically glaring at the screen.

Stonn nodded his head slightly at his name before he gazed over towards where, Spock assumed, Kirk was. "His mind is most dynamic, Spock. I see now why you have chosen to remain with him… but I will be taking him as of now. I will indulge myself and shatter his mind beyond repair before I allow Khan to take his life. You will not be able to save his life." Stonn then vanished from Spock's view and Kirk's screams were heard once more. Khan hummed softly as he watched what was happening between Kirk and Stonn before he turned his attention back to the Enterprise. "Did he tell you? What he feels for you?" Khan was met with silence which only made his expression darken once more. "Interesting. Well, I have revenge to take now so be on your way."

The transmission went dead and Spock sat stunned for a moment before the bridge burst into activity, words being called over people's shoulders and bodies scampering across the floor. Spock frowned when Chekov's voice filled the air. "H-He's gone, sir. The Captain's vitals have completely vanished… it's like his dead but I can't tell for sure." One by one the crew ceased their work and turned to look at the Vulcan, frowns and worry on each of their faces. Spock, despite his carefully composed outward appearance, was overwhelmed with his human emotions of worry and sadness. Remembering the words his captain had spoken before venturing to the other ship, Spock set his jaw and ordered Hikaru Sulu to pull back and set course for Earth. To the new instructions the crew were both thankful and furious and the mixed emotions were very clearly written on each one's face. Spock had doubted Kirk's survival… and because of that he had been forced to take the best action for the sake of the crew that had been left under his command. Wordlessly, Spock stood from the captain's chair and made his way into the lift and down to his living quarters.

After several hours of meditation Doctor McCoy made his presence known and Spock willingly pulled himself from his trance to allow the doctor in. They sat in silence for a long while before Spock spoke up in a clipped yet thoughtful voice, "What reason is there for Stonn being involved in this?" Much to his surprise Doctor McCoy seemed to be the one with the answer, "Wouldn't it make sense to say that he did it out of revenge? Maybe a grudge or something like that?" Spock lifted his head and gazed over to the doctor that had been Kirk's best friend, taking in the slight red color around his seemingly puffy eyes. The doctor had been crying, Spock deduced before he spoke once again, "That is most illogical. Vulcan's do not act on emotion because they do not have them." McCoy clicked his tongue and crossed his arms over his chest in a stubborn manner. "… 'eah, but you're Vulcan and have them." The taller man raised one eyebrow and elegantly rested his hands in his lap. "You forget that I am only half Vulcan, doctor. My human half allows for emotions to occur." They sat there for a long while, both stubborn and both right in their own minds, before McCoy tossed his arms up in defeat and made his way to the door to leave. He paused long enough to speak before vanishing, "Look, Spock, don't get me wrong. I'm not Vulcan so I don't know anything for sure… but it seems possible that he was doing this as an act of revenge or something. Don't tell me this bullshit about not having emotions. Your father told you he married out of love, right? That's an emotion and he was full Vulcan. Just… You were engaged to his love interest, right? And he lost her when Vulcan was destroyed by Nero, right? And here you are… well… were… with Jim and Nyota and myself and the rest of the crew living well and enjoying life in your own weird hobgoblin-y way. It seems possible to me. Get some rest, Spock… we're going to need you."

The moment McCoy had left the room Spock was on his feet and walking to stand at the desk in his room. It could be possible… Stonn very well could have reacted that way, Spock told himself as he sat down and silently gazed at the surface before him. Spock and Stonn had not gotten along very well in the past when it came to T'Pring, Spock's ex-fiancé, and the more Spock thought about the situation at had the more likely Doctor McCoy's theory seemed. Spock frowned very faintly and shifted his weight in his chair, leaning forward slightly as if it would help get him closer to the answer he was looking for. If Stonn was looking for revenge… it would be revenge against Spock, not the captain… so why had it been the captain that was taken? Spock sighed softly and stood, making his way out of his living quarters and into the halls. He hadn't realized where he was going until Scotty came into his line of sight, a sympathetic look on the engineer's face. "How're you holdin' up?" The Scottish male spoke, his accent still as vivid as it had been the day he had first arrived on the Enterprise. Spock tilted his head to the side in a manner that was barely noticeable, and raised an eyebrow. "I am perfectly well, Mister Scott." Scotty frowned and lightly placed his hand on the Vulcan's arm, shaking his head sadly. "You don't 'ave to pretend for our sake. We all know how… intimate you and the Captain were." Spock's eyes widened slightly and he the answer he had been looking for washed over him as if he had been tossed into the Arctic Ocean. "Of course! Thank you, Mister Scott. You have proved very useful." Spock turned on his heel, making his way to the bridge without another word, leaving a dumbfounded engineer in his wake.

It all made sense to him now. Every bit of it. Stonn had allied with Khan as an act of revenge and a grudge that the Vulcan still harbored against Spock. It was just as the doctor had said before; Stonn had lost the one he loved and was planning on spending the rest of his life with but Spock still had happiness and friends around him. Stonn and Khan had mistaken Spock and Kirk for being together in a way far more intimate than that of friends… And if that is the case, Stonn would be sure to torture both Kirk and Spock – not simply kill the captain. It would be too quick and a pain that would sooner be forgotten by the half-Vulcan. Dragging out Kirk's death and giving the first officer a false sense of hope… that had to be their plan. If he was correct… Spock restlessly shifted his weight as the turbo lift soared to take him to his destination, his mind spinning with the knowledge he now had. There was a sense of urgency radiating out of him, his expression clouded with emotions. It was very uncharacteristic of the commander but he could not bring himself to focus long enough to compose himself. As the doors slid open to reveal the bridge, which Spock entered with flying speed, he spoke in a voice that alerted the entire crew, "I have made a grave error. Mister Sulu, turn us around. The captain is alive."


End file.
